Honstly specaking, I got half relieved when I made the decision to leave Beyondsoft.  Maybe some of you are puzzled that why would leaving Beyondsoft is that big deal. Right, Beyondsoft is not a big deal, but you must don't know me. I'm a very reluctant person to drop off things if they had commission with me no matter how noisy they were. It may come in for the dame responsibility I persisted, otherwise it will goes crazy way because I don't have any passion except that.

 

There's a saying that if you find a job that you're interested in, then you'll be one of the luckest people in the world. And I remember some famous guy also said exactly the same thing once, his most successful point is that he just gets a job he's interested in. What a lucky guy! I never expect to find something I am interested in. If I were looking for that, the answer would be nothing. I believe this "answer" because there're many complicated reasons based on our poor national education, our poor modern history and my poor life. (My English sucks, I can't write down more appropriate adjective besides "poor")

 

Work at Beyondsoft is not sooo bad, but it is not too good either. I had many difficulties here that can be happenned anywhere else; and I had many good memories here also I think could have anywhere else. Maybe better at other places, this is the key. She's not the best. At least she's not one of them. I'm not a radical person that dream to work only for the best company. But I think, I just want to match a company with me now. hmmm, hard to describe in this way. Let's take an antitheses. In some extent, having a job can be like having a husband.(Or you can replace it with "wife" if you want) There's a husband you don't hate, but you don't worship or love him either. How do you think. Living with such a husband could be fine, couldn't it? How could you leave him without pain. How could you just leave and denine all the history you both comitted. Yeah, i know. Many of you can do that smartly, but the harm, I assumed everyone had experienced something like this. How about the harm, dear friends?

 

After telling my decision through the phone to my new VP, I feel half relieved. I'm happy about this. Thanks for those people helped me at Beyondsoft. Consider yourselves are deeply appreciated and get a hand when you in trouble. Use the hand when you need.

 

There's another half I still keep it in tense. Nothing to make a nice move on now. For living, I have to find another job that not only I don't hate it, but also I hope I can have a little worship in it. Up to now, many friends have helped me in many ways, thanks for that. Bad news is no good chance yet, good news is I'm fine and smiling. ^_^

 

I think there were many times that I feel tired for my life, but I can't remember what's the situations then. Forgetting bad memories are good for me to move on. Today I'm really tired and want to say something about this. So this is: life can be sweet as long as you stop thinking. But I just couldn't help thinking about what's next step I should make, who's the person I should trust, when's the time I can open mouth, why's the future would be...I can't stop, and if I stop, I know nobody would be happier because of me and I, myself would be hurt because of me. When I get tired I do want to stop.

The other day I saw a movie "pursuit of happiness". That's a good movie and it's moving. Successful people's stories are always charming and impressive. I have spent past thirty years to tell myself that I'm only a small normal person and would not bother a second to dream something like them. But I still can feel that passion when the happiness is achieved by the actor in the movie. I hate the passion in certain extent...I'm a little tired, let's stop nonsense and go to bed.